Talking to Kids About School Shootings: A Guide for Parents
The fear and devastation surrounding school shootings have undoubtedly frightened many parents around the country. When these horrific events happen, it often leaves people feeling hypervigilant.
If you have children, you might be feeling scared and uncertain right now. With that, you may not know how to talk about your feelings to other adults- much less your own kids.
But open communication is essential, especially if you sense your child might be struggling. Here are some valuable tips to consider.
How to Talk to Your Children About School Shootings
Talking to kids about tragedies isn’t easy. Most adults struggle to navigate their own larger-than-life feelings when processing these events. Reminding yourself that it’s okay for the conversation to feel a bit awkward may be reassuring.
Remember to keep the dialogue developmentally appropriate. How you talk to a kindergartner, for example, will be drastically different than how you speak to a high school senior.
Children Ages 5-8
At this age, kids won’t be able to completely comprehend the magnitude of what’s happening. Instead, they might just be more aware of the changes in school or changes in other people’s personalities. For example, they may feel distraught that a routine in their class changes rather than feel sad about what just occurred.
Moreover, children this age primarily express themselves through play. Make sure to spend time playing and engaging with them creatively. If something in this expression feels “off” (more withdrawal, less desire to be engaged in pretend play, or being overly imaginative in disturbing ways), it could indicate your child is struggling.
Additionally, children this age may not necessarily be able to tell you how they feel. But distress might be evident in sudden physical changes, such as increased nightmares, bedwetting, refusal to eat, or complaints of stomach pains.
Children Ages 8-11
Around this age, children have a more enhanced awareness of death and its permanence. They also have more insight into violence, guns, and how these two concepts can intersect.
Children at this age are naturally inquisitive about the world around them, and they may ask lots of questions. They will also likely want your reassurance that they are safe. Aim to answer their questions as honestly as possible. But if you don’t know something, it’s also okay to admit that.
ideally, you want to model that you are comfortable hearing their feelings and want to be there for them. At the same time, you should be mindful of bombarding them with too much information- doing so may exacerbate feeling overwhelmed.
Children ages 12+
At this age, adolescents and teenagers already have existing knowledge of school shootings. They may have been involved in active-shooter drills for many years. Likewise, they’re probably active on social media, meaning they are tapped into what’s happening in mainstream society.
That said, despite their knowledge, their brains are rapidly developing. So, even if they are mature and intelligent, they may still act in seemingly unreasonable or illogical ways.
That’s why communication is paramount at this age. You want to be a safe soundboard if they need support. You also want to be conscious of any depression or anxiety symptoms that may emerge.
What Signs of Concern Should Parents Be Aware Of After School Shootings?
School shootings affect people in many different ways. Direct witnesses are at an increased rate of depression and PTSD. In these cases, crisis counseling is strongly recommended as a preventative measure for keeping kids feeling safe and supported.
But even children living many states away from the tragedy can still be deeply impacted. Those who are prone to preexisting mental health conditions may feel more depressed or anxious.
If your child displays any of the following signs, you should consider reaching out for professional support:
persistent sadness and loss of interest in usual hobbies or activities
anxiety that interferes with sleeping, eating, or typical activities
becoming incredibly fixated on knowing all the facts about the school shooting
isolating from loved ones
secretive or compulsive behavior (substance use, disordered eating, excessive video games)
Likewise, if you notice any other significant behavioral or emotional changes, it could indicate that your child is struggling. Individual or family therapy can help them better understand their feelings and receive effective coping skills to manage their stress.
Final Thoughts
There are no easy answers when it comes to managing these difficult conversations. It’s important to be patient and compassionate with yourself. You won’t know how to do everything correctly right now.
And while you can’t necessarily fix the problem single-handedly, you can be proactive by getting involved in community support. You can also keep the dialogue open and non-judgmental when talking to your kids.
Remember that it’s important to look after your own emotional well-being during this time. Stay connected to support and reach out if you are struggling.
Therapy can be a valuable resource if you feel particularly anxious or depressed. We are here to listen and help you cope with these intense feelings. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.